Dad Jokes for Father's Day

What happened to the frog when he double parked?

He got toad.


  • Dad are bugs good to eat? asked the boy..
    Let's not talk about such things at the dinner table son, the father replied.
    After dinner the father inquired - Now son , What did you want to ask me?
    Oh! nothing , the boy said- There was a bug in your soup , but now it's gone.

  • Homedoggy and riverrat - Both jokes will be used!! Thanks.

  • What does the nosy pepper do?

    It gets jallpeno business.

  • What do you call a fake noodle?

    An impasta.

  • Dad: How do you like 4th Grade
    Son: It isn't much fun.
    Dad: That's too bad, It was the best 3 years of my life.
    Happy Father's Day everybody !

  • What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?.................. an investigator....

  • You do know when a joke becomes a dad joke, right?

    When it becomes apparent.

  • Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

  • A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

  • A man asked a child: How old is your father?
    Child: As old as me.
    Man: How is that possible?
    Child: He became a father only when I was born.

  • A Gorilla, a Rabbi and a Ballerina walk into a bar, the bartender asks "Is this some kind of a joke?"

  • Joe- What does your father do for a living?
    Jon-He's a magician, he performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
    Joe-Do you have any brothers and sisters.
    Jon-Yey! four half sisters, and a half brother.

  • Why did the chicken go half way across the road?

    She wanted to lay it on the line.

  • Why do cows wear bells?
    Because their horns don't work

  • Three hard-of-hearing chaps on a train pulling into Wembley Station.
    Chap #1: "Is this Wembley?"
    Chap #2: "No, it's Thursday."
    Chap #3: "Me too, let's go get a drink."

      From PG Wodehouse, Jeeves & Wooster
  • what do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat

    Banned from the petting zoo

  • Just received a bottle of wine from my daughter which I am now consuming with gusto while I play Solitaire.Look out for record slow times.Are record slow times acceptable?Would those with the slowest time be accused of cheating?I await responses with baited breath.......Glug.......

  • I spelt bated wrong.That will teach me to drink and spell. And so to bed.

  • A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
    People who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
    Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
    If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
    A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
    A dwarf fortune teller who escapes from jail is a small medium at large.

  • oh, you guys, I just read all of these and I ache from laughing, but I think that's a good thing.

  • I wrote this with a dull pencil it's kinda pointless.
    My wife says I have no sense of direction...
    so I packed up my stuff and right.

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